Foolish Heart...

I'm such an idiot!!

TEAR MY HEART OUT PLEASE!! as time goes by the things he does makes me hurt more... Why can't i just let go?! Why?!! I'm getting desperate... even though how much i try to forget him, even though how much i think that i've gotten over him i keep longing for him... Can't i just get the point that it's over?! Why?! I don't feel like myself anymore... i don't feel like steph anymore... I'm such a wreck now... I hate him for doing this to me but i still love him... I love him and hate him...

I'm lost... I'm beyond lost...

I just smile and smile, i laugh and laugh but the more i portray happiness, the more i seem carefree, the harder it becomes for me... i want to cry but i can't... i can't seem to be able to... I want to cry... i wnat to scream... i want to just hate him fully, but love still remains... I'm just so tired now... I'm stressed out and it has definitely affected my health... my mom sees it, every morning and every night... I can't stay this way... can someone help me through this?? I know many have already lended me their support but it just isn't helping... nothing is... i'm getting worse... I don't even care about my health anymore... I just don't care, i force myself to care... but that's pointless... I can't do this anymore. If only... TEAR MY HEART OUT.... END THIS!